If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Farmville is her only friend.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
cat food counts as protein by the way
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize