Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
