My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
