i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
