I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize