i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
