i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
