Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
