happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
third nipple confirmed
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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