It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
