Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
