mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
