she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
