If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
