Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
