I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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