worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
