fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
