Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize