I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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