so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
