This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
