I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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