Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
