I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
