It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
