what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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