you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
