he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
