Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
