I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
