$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
