Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
