some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
