these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
