dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
