oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
where does the pee come out of this thing
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
