Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
