meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
