Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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