I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
