I'm lost and stupid without you.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
