We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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