I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
