What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
