im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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