I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
