His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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