38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i think my cat just said my name.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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