Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
True strength comes from lack of pants
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
