I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
