We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
