her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
