I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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