just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
