Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
