Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
