She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
