you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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